Here Is Why I Haven't Been Posting


I'm not sure if I've made this clear before but I started this blog as an alternative to therapy. Blogs cannot replace therapy BTW. I am now seeing a therapist and have finally been able to drag myself back here. Actually, the only reason i'm here is because I was checking my email.

Why do I need therapy? Well PTSD aside I have anxiety and have been feeling hella depressed for about a year now so maybe depression? I've been feeling unmotivated to do anything which is really bad for several reasons. This is my Senior year so I have a lot to do. Senior Project, Community Service, Apply for Colleges, SAT, ACT, Regular old homework, and so much more! I've also been realizing how I have both been isolating myself from others and being isolated without meaning to. I have one friend at school and we barely see each other. All my online friends I haven't spoken to in about a year now. I'm bad at communication. Especially online. Overall I'm better at face-to-face IRL communication but I rarely get that. I'm grappling with a really annoying problem.

Problem: I don't want to be near people so I cut myself off, then I'm sad because I have no one to talk to so I blame it on other people.

Good News: I realized I have a problem.

Bad News: I haven't done anything about it.

The Good News and Bad News pretty much sum up my entire life really. I recognize there is a problem and I don't do anything. Maybe I like wallowing in misery? I don't though, I like being happy but I refuse myself happiness.

Anyway, here I am, I'm alive. I might talk more about what's been going on later but I haven't eaten yet and my small burst of productivity juice is running low. On the bright side I'm getting my hair dyed this weekend. It is going to be dyed my favorite color! Here is a pic of the hair dye I'm using:
Pink!

I will try to write later today. See you later felines.

Tabby Cat Out!

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