Marvelously Dull Life

  Warrensburg, Missouri 2008 or 2009 Age seven was apparently a bad year for me. You might have heard that every 7 years, every cell in your body has died, and been replaced, essentially making you a new person. This is false -->  Here lies the proof When I was 7 I was at a routine check-up at the Doctor's. As were about to sign out I got bored of waiting for my Mom to do the paperwork, and wandered off to the Nurses lounge. I thought that Nurses had to be nice, because they help people, therefore, the perfect people to hang out with. The Nurses thought I was cute, and asked where my Mama was, and I told them. The Nurse I approached did a standard "If I poke you here does that hurt?". As my Mom approached, the Nurse asked me "Has anyone touched you inside your underwear?" to which I replied "Yes, and Daddy took pictures". My Mom, and the Nurse looked at each other. The Nurse said "You know I have to report this right?" Mom replied "Pl...

 As a kid I was sometimes held down, and forced to watch horror movies. Sometimes as punishment, sometimes not. I'm writing this just to make a record of my memories. Would I rather forget? Yes. But I want to document everything that happened so if I ever get to see my abuser on trial I have a record of what happened. There were many incidents. This one is one I've been fighting to forget. Belton, Missouri 2008 or 2009 I started acting different when I was 7. A bad kind of different. This was the age when I first started displaying symptoms of trauma. My stomach hurts remembering. Or because I didn't eat lunch. Probably both. Before: It was Adam (Dad), Erika (Step Mother), Brady (Step-Uncle, younger than me), Landon (Step-Uncle, younger than me), and Me. Adam, and Erika had rented a movie. They liked scary movies, and movies by [Director's Name], the movie was animated in his signature style. The Movie was [Movie Name]. They put the movie in, and set up the title screen...

Promotional Poster for Hamilton Hamilton (Left), and Burr (Right) Burr (Far Left), Eliza (Left), Angelica (Center), and Peggy (Right) The first time I watched the musical Hamilton, I was by myself. I saw it on Disney +, the day it came out, having heard the hype, but never seen it. I thought it was okay, first act was boring, overall it was okay. Hamilton wasn't the best rapper (or singer), and on my own the emotional scenes just felt awkward to me. Tonight I watched it with my mom (on Disney +). She hadn't seen it either so I suggested we watch it together. Watching it the second time with someone else made a big difference. Movies are just fine watching on your own, they are something to be both private, and shareable. Theater, however, well it's something you kind of need to watch with someone. Imagine sitting in a Broadway Theater, and you are the only one there. Sure the novelty would be interesting, but it just wouldn't be as fun being the only pers...

It's late, and I'm tired. So I'll cut to the chase. I'm not known for being the most reliable writer. I mean the sheer amount of posts I've made that promise a part two, that are still sitting, and collecting dust. Well I doubt I have an audience. I don't remember how long it's been since I posted, but I'm in a bad mood so I don't even care. This is a vent. This is for me. This is NOT for my lying, cheating, douche of a now ex-boyfriend. I don't even want to get into it right now, I just want to cry or scream, or punch him in his stupid face. I know it's not my fault, but I can't help to berate myself for starting this relationship. To be honest I don't love him. I don't have a strong emotional connection to him. I feel upset, but also like I could move on tomorrow afternoon. If I decide to post again, I'll explain more. Basically my point is this: I finally get a boyfriend After years of being alone, wishing for love ...

You would think that being a High School English Teacher, you would know words like obsolete and impartial. Well not my English teacher. How could one be so asnine ? Maybe I want to sound pretentious ? Asnine: foolish, unintelligent, or silly; stupid Pretentious: characterized by assumption of dignity or importance, especially when exaggerated or undeserved Just kidding, anyway I was writing an introduction for an argumentative essay today in English class and asked the teacher to read it and give me feedback. Besides a few minor punctuation and grammar errors, her one complaint is that I used words that were too big. Okay, when I write Blog posts I'm typing how I think and how I talk. I do not write this like a formal essay. When I write formally I pull out all the stops using big words, going to Thesaurus.com. You know, the works. Taking the college class for one semester last year, I was never told that my words were too big. But apparently my own English teache...

             So it's about the time of night where I would say Goodnight and make my way to bed. Then sleep. However, I have decided that I don't want to sleep tonight. Why you may ask? Because I am afraid of having a nightmare. That's right. I'm so scared of having a nightmare I don't want to sleep. Last night I had two nightmares. One was about someone I love dying and the other wasn't very long but had something that definitely scared me and if I had been awake and seen that I probably would have had an anxiety attack. Alright, emotional baggage time. I have something to confess... I have PTSD. So you might wonder. What is PTSD? PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It basically happens when you experience something so traumatic that your brain can't handle it. There are three main types of symptoms. Re-experiencing the trauma through intrusive distressing recollections of the event, flashbacks, and nightmares. Emotional numbness and...

I am currently eating chicken soup with a stack of Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on my desk. I have the first, second, third, and one on the 'Tough Stuff' which I got from my Aunt April. Now I am wishing my name was Bucky so when people called me over or something I could say If there was 'Chicken Soup for the Super Soldiers Soul' so that Steve and Bucky could read something together. That is of course only if (Angry at Infinity War Stuff). Oh the good old days of yor when everyone was alive. It's been two months so I hope i'm not ruining anything. SPOILERS AHEAD for INFINITY WAR! If I am supposed to feel bad for that square headed mutation of a grape then the Russo brothers can stick my not-sorry stick where the sun doesn't shine! Thanos can suck a lime! He murdered the characters I love and refuse to forgive him ever! You show your daughter you love her by giving her a hug or maybe emotional support, not by yeeting her off a cliff so you can add a...